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Hey man,

To be honest, I think that some of the rhymes you use you can see coming from the first line. Also the part were you say "right there's the place our wedding picture set", well, have you ever had somebody say to you "no, it's over there!" and have them not pointing to the place they're talking about? That's kinda what that line reminds me of.

On the good side, though, I like the last verse you've got going, especially the end lines. They have a good rhythm when you say them out loud on their own (which I always think is key), and it seems more like [i]you[/i] wrote them. The first two verses sound generic to me, like I've heard them in every other heartbreak song out there. The last verse is where the individual is coming out. That's the verse that seems to speak to me, anyways.

I also like the title phrase 'Until one of us is gone'. Like how you used it in the first verse, it sounds alright, but (without the music) I think it can be re-worked into something you won't forget when you hear it. That's the goal, right?

All in all, it think it's not bad, but i think you can do it better. That's my honest opinion, my critique. Without the music, anyways.

-Dwayne